According to a University of Missouri family studies expert, divorced parents who are involved in hostile relationships use technology, such as texting or emails, to communicate with their ex-spouses and talk about their children. The study claims that children are affected negatively by this type of communication if the parents are using it against each other as more of a weapon than a tool.
The report says that divorce therapists should be teaching parents positive methods of using technology as a communication tool to preserve healthy upbringings of their kids.
Lawrence Ganong, a professor of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri reports that parents who are on good terms with one another use texting and emails as a strategy of beneficial co-parenting. On the other hand, those who do not get along well use communication via emails and texting to steer clear of fighting and manipulate the other parent.
Ganong commented:
“Technology makes it easier for divorced couples to get along, and it also makes it easier for them not to get along. Parents who use technology effectively can make co-parenting easier, which places less stress on the children. Parents who use communication technology to manipulate or withhold information from the other parent can cause pain to the child.”
For their study, Ganong and his team talked to 49 divorced couples one at a time, and asked them about their relationships with their ex-spouses.
They found that the parents who still got along viewed communicating through means of technology as an easy way to co-parent. These parents used the tools as a way to figure out pick up and drop off times, or talk about the kid’s schedule for the day.
Alternatively, divorced parents who do not cooperate with one another seemed to use the technology to avoid communicating face to face. Thesy used the method of communication as a way to manipulate one another, such as claiming they never received the other’s emails.
Whether the couples were on good terms or not, the researchers found that all of the divorced couples they interviewed relied on technology as a way to decide certain rules and keep a record of decisions made by one another.
Ganong believes that if a couple does not end their relationship on good terms, divorce therapists should work with them to find positive ways of using technology to communicate, instead of using it as a weapon against each other. This will help kids avoid witnessing confrontation between their parents, and help them get used to living in two separate homes.
Ganong concludes:
“Parents who are hostile need to set their feelings aside and understand that they need to communicate effectively in order to protect the emotional well-being of their children. Email is a great resource for hostile parents who can’t talk face-to-face. They can communicate essential information while editing what they say to avoid conflict. Also, the parents have a record of what was agreed upon.”
Written by Christine Kearney