Suicide Prevention Group Delivers Much Needed Message To Pennsylvania's Elderly

Address Underlying And Reality Based Reasons For Elder Suicide

As the primary caregiver of an 89 year-old demented mother, I see an other side of this issue as a rational response to an irrational system. I have been looking for alternatives to caring for my mother for well over a year. As a community college instructor with one child in college and the unpaid college debts for another, I cannot even consider the $80,000 per year tag for skilled nursing for my mom. Although she has MediCal, no quality program will or can admit her -- there is a shortage of beds and they cannot afford to accept the low MediCal reimbursement rate.

As a result, the entire family pays the cost in innumerable ways of having the responsibility for the care of a largely disabled, incapable person. To just go out to dinner and a movie, we have to pay $15-16 per hour for caregivers to come into our home. And, this care has to be arranged for in advance, is not always reliable, and due to cost is not enough to really provide relief.

My mother would NOT want to be alive anymore -- she would and does hate her total dependency on me, the humiliation of losing bodily control in every aspect of her being and all the rest of what dementia brings to what was once considered the 'golden age'.

I often wonder how much more I could contribute to society if I were not so burdened with her care -- although I appreciate being able to be there for her. I also wonder what the long-term cost will be to my own family and the society. I and so many thousands of others live with the stress of inadequate support, inordinate worry, incalculable hours and resources necessitated by the very old and demented population. This puts all of us, who are not old yet, and could be productive contributors at early risk of morbidity, mortality and reduced capacity.
I do not want to appear cold-hearted and bitter. I am neither. But these costs and implications of living a long life without the necessary social support are also a caring way to think about old age, depression and related ills.

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