How do women feel after an abortion?

Main Category: Abortion
Article Date: 06 Sep 2004 - 0:00 PDT

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'How do women feel after an abortion?'

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Article opinions: 55 posts

It is normal for a woman to experience a range of emotions after an abortion, such as relief, sadness, happiness and feelings of loss. Each woman is unique. Many women feel that they have made the right decision after having an abortion. For some women, however, abortion can raise negative emotional responses including grief, guilt, anger, shame and regret. Understanding your emotions can help you begin to let go of any pain and start to heal. It is important to recognize your feelings and to take good care of yourself if you are experiencing difficulty. The following information may be helpful if you are experiencing emotional distress after an abortion.

What kinds of things might contribute to a woman feeling distress after an abortion?

-- Hormones are changing back to their pre-pregnancy state after an abortion. This chemical change can make a woman feel sad and emotional.

-- A woman is more likely to feel negative emotions if she felt pressured into having an abortion by someone else, instead of making her own decision.

-- Some women don't receive much support from their friends or family.

-- Social stigmas about abortion can make it difficult for women to share their experience and make them feel isolated.

-- Some women might feel judged.

-- Some women fear that they might never again be able to get pregnant. However, abortion does not interfere with your future fertility.

-- Sometimes the couple relationship is stressed or undermined by the crisis of an unplanned pregnancy. In these circumstances, women may feel abused and/or abandoned.

Any time you make a difficult life decision, it is natural to have second thoughts. Allowing yourself to express any negative feelings that you may be having will help to diminish their impact. Sometimes reading about other women's experiences can be reassuring and may make your own feelings more clear. You can find the stories of several women who have had abortions at: http://www.peaceafterabortion.com/stories.html

Is it normal to feel depressed after an abortion?

Approximately 5% to 30% of women report feelings of regret, anxiety, guilt, mild depression and other negative emotions. If your feelings are overwhelming or persistent, you should consult a professional therapist.

It is rare for a woman to become clinically depressed after having an abortion. There are some risk factors that can contribute to the risk of clinical depression after abortion, such as if the woman has a previous history of depression. Depression is a very serious illness. It is extremely important that you seek help from a professional such as a doctor, counsellor or therapist. CONTINUES……..Canadian Health Network

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Total 55 opinions, latest 20 shown. For all opinions, click through to the full thread.

Confused

posted by Kasey on 5 May 2012 at 11:23 am

I recently just had an abortion on the 24th of April and my feelings are all over the place. My baby father and i are alot more distant now because when im around him i get all these emotions and other things that make me just not want to be around him or even talk to him. I constantly about all the what if's and its like i cant move forward but i cant go back so im stuck in this one place with my feelings. And then when i look at the ultrasound pic i just dont understand why i couldnt of sacrificed so much for a baby. I wasnt on birth control but i was definitely using condoms..I just never wanted to see myself in this situation or feel as though the best pieces of me left me when i got an abortion. And my baby daddy definitely didnt want the abortion but i played with his mind to get him on my side...and i always feel bad about it. I understand it takes time before you are completely over it but i just dont understand why my feelings are getting the best of me right now..And then it puts a strain on my relationship with him because i keep thinking about the what if's...

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Regret... abortion

posted by Tatiana on 2 May 2012 at 12:16 pm

I had it done last week and I regret since. I had twins but I knew that after as ultrasound didn't show.
I cry everyday and only regret. I hope I will recover but I will not forgive myself.

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That child will never exist again its so painful

posted by natalie on 17 Apr 2012 at 10:24 am

im so upset i have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. i fell pregnant we were both over the moon and so happy. i found out when i as 7 and a half weeks. We both couldnt stop talking about it. im young and he is too we couldnt tell our parents and could not give a baby a good life, i had an abortion a few weeks later. its not been almost four months and i think about it every day. my friends dont really know neither do my famiy, i have nobody to discuss it with. I know its so painful for him aswell. seeing children in the street make things so much worse. i already created such an attachment to it. It was something me and him created together. That child will never exist again its so painful

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No excuse!

posted by Tori on 8 Apr 2012 at 2:01 pm

Everything is a choice. Nobody makes the choice for you...you make the choice.. dont use having no money or feeling alone as a excuse to have a abortion because you need to own up to your responsibility as a young women, go get a job and love your baby...its wrong to kill a innocent child because of your mistake. How would you like it if your mother took your life because of her own mistake! Who do you think you are , thinking you have the right to take a life that is nothing but a gift and a blessing.

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A part of me is gone

posted by Jacky on 7 Apr 2012 at 6:55 pm

I know even though I was influenced by everyone around me to get an abortion it was my decision in the end . I don't blame or regret but anyone but myself. I wanted and wish I could of had my baby but financial I couldn't afford too. I barely made enough to support myself how could I afford a baby? Everyday I have to live with my decision I made. Everyday I feel like I'm gaining a little bit of myself back. Guilt is natural forgiveness for your self takes time a part of me will always be gone but I know I will gain it back one day.

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Heartbroken

posted by Stacey on 30 Mar 2012 at 3:54 am

Myboyfriend told me he wanted a baby so we tryed for one And I became pregnent 1st time iwas happy thinking were going to be a family but when I told him the news he changed his mine saying were to young and he can't be. A dad so I had a abortion he lives on not sad when I stil cry and can't see babys or nothing,
And he told me not to tell enyone so I havnt and. I had to get the abortion on my own he said it was to hard for him to go.

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feel bad

posted by scaey on 29 Mar 2012 at 4:22 pm

myboyfriend told me he wanted a baby so we tryed for one 1st time. Then ifound out I was pregnent and iwas really happy thinking were going to be a family but he changed him mind when he found out iwas pregnent. And wanted a abortion iwanted to have my baby but I had a. abortion for my relationship didn't want to be a single mum now I wish I had my baby. I'm still with my boyfriend but everynight I cry still and just brake down don't matter where I am I can't look at kid no more

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Nobody's happy

posted by Me on 20 Mar 2012 at 6:45 pm

The text says from 5 to 30% of women who get abortions report to be negatively affected. The comments say something like "all women who have abortions feel negative". Is it, maybe, that the other 70% simply didn't call back to say how they were feeling?

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Think Before You Make Such A Huge Decision!

posted by Anonymous on 19 Mar 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hi, I haven't had an abortion. I am not very sexually active because I am scared of getting pregnant. But I do have a best friend who has had an abortion. She was 18 when she found out. She was talking to this guy that she had been talking to since she was 14. Of course when she told him he was less than supportive. Her mom is a single mom who hates the guy and lets just say isn't the best mom. I'm the only one who is really there for her but I went away to school when she found out. So, she decided that she would just have an abortion basically the day she found out. And I see first hand what it does to a person. She completely regrets it, she cries for nothing, she always looks at the baby clothes when we are walking in the store, she abuses drugs(from weed, to cigarettes, and popping pills) and alcohol horribly, and when I try and talk to her about it she cries and claims she "killed her child". I don't know what to do! I feel like if I don't talk to her about it and let her know its okay, then she is going to keep getting more and more depressed. And if I talk to her about it she is going to be hurt. Can somebody tell me what to do to help a friend who has been through what you guys have been through?

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Was this right?

posted by Ashley on 5 Mar 2012 at 8:03 am

Hi i just had abortion about a week ago. I already have two kids. Im 22 years old and not married. I Was so sad to find out that i was pregnant agian. Its been so hard taking care of two kids. A 3rd one i just dont think i could of done it. so went an had abortion. I felt good at first the more and more the days go by i just can understand why i gave this baby up but mt my other child. what was so wrong with this child? but I have been crying all day and night cause i miss the baby even though i was only 6 weeks but im so sad caus ei work in a day care and all i see is babys allday. But it too late to change it now. but this is my story. and i hopw it can help sombody make the right desision.

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Get easier?

posted by J Q on 19 Feb 2012 at 12:53 am

It doesn't. I guess the grass is always greener and I tell myself I was young and made the best decision at the time, I was naive, nobody counseled me, I wasn't ready to see/listen, had to learn and any other scenario back and forth daily. Some weeks are worse than others and I have to get out and not stay down as I got very depressed within a couple years after the abortion and struggled for years but managing it better now by not going to long being down. The abortion was twelve years ago and some days I drive home crying and cry when I'm alone. I tell myself to be strong since I lied to myself that I'd be OK and doing this for us both. I think I made my life arder, more to regret and more work postponed or maybe all is exacly as it should be - bitter sweet. I'm hoping sharing gets some off of my chest because I feel alone on this and working on forgiving myself, accepting life, appreciating what is around and know great times come with positive thoughts. It's a struggle.

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A part of me missing

posted by Nicole on 4 Feb 2012 at 1:44 pm

I had an abortion about 3 days ago and I was very much against it but my boyfriend told me that he don't want another child. I am so much ANGER right now for doing what he wanted and I am depressed and cant seem to get over this. That fetus was a part of me and now that it's gone I feel empty. He has not been there emotionally and I'm left alone to deal with the emptiness. I think that abortions decisions is ever an easy on.

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Thank you

posted by tantola12 on 31 Jan 2012 at 2:50 am

Thank you. I was feeling depressed and needed something inspiring to shake me out of it. Thank you.

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i dont know what to do

posted by aarika on 29 Jan 2012 at 3:08 am

I had my abortion december 8th of 2011 at approximately 10:30am. I wanted that baby more than anything in the world and when I found out I was anxious, upset and happy all at the same time. I did not tell my boyfriend right away because I was trying to figure out what I wanted. I decided to keep it, and i called my boyfriend to tell him. The very first thing he said was "I dont want it." I was shocked to hear him say this. He kept telling me and telling me for days that he wanted me to get an abortion so we went for an appointment, in a desperate attempt to change his mind i had a nurse print out the sonogram so i could show him our baby. He immediately had a break down and when we got back to the house he said he wanted me to do adoption, i thought about it for days and i still could not bring myself to send my baby off to someone else to take care of. So i went in to the doctors office December 8th and had my procedure. I hate myself every day for it, i can't stand to look at a mother holding her child, i cant stand to be around children at all and if i try i wind up having a break down. I wish i would have kept my baby, i still sleep with the sonogram every day. I have nightmares about my baby every night, I work in a grocery store so i see babies all the time and it hurts more than anything else in the world. I am devastated beyond belief. and i don't know what to do.

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Happy Ending

posted by joy on 22 Jan 2012 at 5:14 pm

Abortion is a very emotionally painful experience, the reason is that it involves a death. That being said WE ALL DO THINGS WE REGRET IN LIFE and can ask forgiveness for. All I ask is that anyone who has not made the decision to have an abortion yet, PLEASE consider Adoption. We made an adoption plan and it brought great joy and a happy ending to an unplanned pregnancy. The couple are unbelievably happy and fulfilled and say they finally feel "complete" in their life. They suffered with infertility issues. We receive pictures and updates and made a decision we can be proud of. If you have not made a decision yet, please consider a happy ending.

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Hurt

posted by JW on 13 Jan 2012 at 4:11 pm

I had an abortion two days ago I am 22 and in college going for my BA I felt like I wanted to keep it but the guy I had a FWB relationship didnt I felt like we were not together so what is the point. I felt pressured in doing something I didnt want to do in the forst place! I do regret it so bad I am very sad about it and emotional. I feel women have to go through so much. I wish I would of kept it and I feel like I need someone to vent to. In the future I will not make the samn decision I made two days ago

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am being pushed into having an abortion

posted by ashley on 13 Dec 2011 at 1:41 pm

hiya am 24 years old i have 3 kids already 4,2 and 6 months old i have just found out am 5-6 weeks pregnant i want to keep my baby but everyone else are trying to push me into in there way GET RID OF IT saying i have the other kids to think about and that am being silly and not thinking about my life and marriage my husband is saying if i keep the baby he will leave me as he does not want anymore am already a mess and i just need some help my husband had me booked in for abortion tomorrow but hes not coming with me am having to go on my own what should i do i want this baby but i also want my husband

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Why ?

posted by Rebecca Walker on 8 Dec 2011 at 11:28 am

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I am doing a persuasive speech in English and from reading opinions I think you should explore your mind more than you are now. If you really love that child you will be willing to give that child a chance at living their life as you did. You know how people say "No child is left behind." My advice to you is to think about that quote and really sit down and ask yourself if you want to do this or not. I am only a Junior in High School but I know a lot about this topic. Thanks :)

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regret, hurt, sadness,

posted by katrina on 5 Dec 2011 at 12:33 pm

im 16 and i had been with my boyfriend for over 2 months, i found out i was pregnant and i told my boyfriend. he was happy and excited about the pregancy, at first i was confused and didnt know what i wanted but then when it attually sunk in i was excited that we were having a baby. we talked about it and we dicided to keep the baby, ever sincce we told my parents and his parents everything went down hill :( my dad and mum flippe out at me, my sister said i was doing a stupid thing if i was going to keep it. everyone was against it. before the termination date come round i had been crying every night casue inew i didnt want to go through with it and i knew id regret it by far but i felt pressured n i just went through with it just to shut everyone up. so they stopped going on at me and stopped making things diffecult. when the termiation date came round me and my boyfriend just wanted it over and done with cause we knew it was going to be too hard. the termination was the 16th novemeber not even 3 weeks ago, we cant even talk about it cause we both break down n cry cause we regret it too much and missed our chance. were still together 3 months on and we are strong still but some things we just cant talk about. ever since i said ill have the abortion ive regreted it. i just did it to shut my family up from moaning at me. i still cry. i still feel down. i still cant talk about it. i havent been the old me since. i constantly get reminders. its constantly in the back of my mind. ive been having nightmares and dreams about it all. i cant sleep properly cause of it all. im just not me anymore. i just regret it too much and feel guilty and wish i never did it. i know it might sound stupid but when i get pregnant later on in life or so i want it to be that baby so i havent lost it and missed the chance. i miss being pregnant and miss my little baby :'( wish i could turn back time...

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Confused

posted by Charlotte on 27 Oct 2011 at 12:29 pm

I had a medical abortion 5 days ago. When I found out I was pregnant I knew that I would chose the option of abortion. My boyfriend and I knew that was the right thing given our circumstances at home. Plus I'm only 16 and he's 17. I don't regret it, because I only though of it as a blob of cells - it was early in the pregnancy.

But now, I feel down allll the time. I don't seem to laugh, and I cry quite a lot - but I can't think why I'm crying! I guess miss having the option of having my own baby, if I were to cancel the abortion. But I no longer have that option, and that's really upsetting to me. I don't regret my decision, I just miss what could have been.

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