Navigating arguments and disagreements in a healthy way may be more challenging if someone is experiencing a manic or depressive episode. However, people should not avoid conflict with a loved one with bipolar disorder.
Everyone experiences disagreements and arguments with loved ones from time to time. This may include conflicts within relationships with family members, friends, or romantic partners. However, those with bipolar disorder may find that experiencing manic or depressive episodes can sometimes lead to increased arguments with loved ones.
Healthy relationships involve effective communication to resolve conflicts. Expressing thoughts and feelings during conflicts can be natural, but having a heated argument with someone with bipolar disorder may worsen the situation.
This article discusses whether someone should argue when a person with bipolar disorder has a manic or depressive episode. It also explores tips for navigating arguments in a healthy way and when it may be appropriate to seek additional support.
People without bipolar disorder may have difficulty understanding or relating to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that someone with the disorder experiences during a manic or depressive episode. If a person with bipolar disorder says hurtful things or engages in behaviors their loved ones do not agree with, conflicts may arise.
However, having intense conversations or heated arguments while someone is experiencing a manic or depressive episode is not usually an effective way to resolve the conflict.
Manic episodes
If a person is experiencing a manic episode, they
During a manic episode, a person may also experience:
- extreme emotional highs
- racing thoughts or speech
- feelings of high energy or jumpiness, which may involve more physical activity than usual
- a decreased need for sleep
- feelings of being able to multitask without getting tired
- feeling particularly talented, important, or powerful
- an excessive appetite for food, sex, or other pleasurable activities
Depressive episodes
If a person is experiencing a depressive episode, they may be feeling sad, anxious, hopeless, or indifferent. They may also have difficulty concentrating, which may affect their ability to follow conversations. Therefore, they may have difficulty understanding other points of view or experience worsening feelings of sadness.
During a depressive episode, a person may also experience:
- restlessness or feeling “slowed down”
- difficulty making decisions
- a loss of interest in usual activities
- slow speech, feeling unable to find anything to say, or forgetting a lot
- difficulty falling asleep, waking up too early, or sleeping too much
- feelings of being unable to do simple tasks
- thoughts about death or suicide
Bipolar disorder resources
Visit our dedicated hub for more research-backed information and in-depth resources on bipolar disorder.
People do not need to avoid conflict with individuals with bipolar disorder altogether. The following sections offer some tips for arguing and managing conflict in a healthy way.
Avoid judgment
During a heated argument with someone, a person may have difficulty avoiding judgment of another individual’s thoughts or behaviors.
Instead of judging the other person or the situation, it may be better to focus on how their behavior made them feel and why it is unacceptable.
For example, a person could say, “When you blew off my invitation, I felt sad and dismissed,” rather than, “I can’t believe how selfish you were when you blew off my party.”
Stay calm and communicate effectively
People may have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings when they are angry. Sometimes, a person may find it useful to take a moment to take a deep breath and gather their thoughts before responding.
If a person finds themselves clenching their fists or jaw, raising their voice, or pointing their fingers, they can consider taking a minute to remove themselves from the situation and calm down.
They may also wish to explain this to the person with bipolar by saying something such as, “I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts. We can continue this conversation once I feel calmer.”
Practice compassion and offer encouragement
When someone has a mental health condition such as bipolar disorder, people may find it hard to remember that some of their words or actions result from their condition. Their behavior may not be conscious or deliberate.
However, people should still hold loved ones with bipolar disorder accountable for their actions.
A person can offer encouragement to someone with bipolar disorder by supporting them through their treatment process and acknowledging when they are making an effort to communicate more effectively. Additionally, simply listening to and acknowledging someone’s experiences with bipolar disorder may help them feel more supported.
For example, a person could say, “I know how hard it can be to deal with bipolar disorder, and sometimes you might say things you don’t mean, but I see you making efforts to change that, and I appreciate this very much.”
Set healthy boundaries
It is important for people to have boundaries in their relationships, where both individuals understand which behaviors are unacceptable. For example, a person may make it clear that they will not continue a conversation if the other individual starts yelling at them.
Boundaries are essential for creating and maintaining mutual respect within a healthy relationship.
While experiencing manic or depressive episodes, an individual with bipolar disorder may lash out with hurtful words or actions. This can be unpleasant for someone to deal with, even if they understand that these behaviors result from a mental health condition.
A person may consider speaking with a mental health professional who can offer a safe space to express feelings. They may also share resources and advice for communicating in a healthy and effective way. Sometimes, a person may want to speak with a mental health professional together with their loved one with bipolar. For example, they could try couples counseling.
However, people should note that living with a mental health condition is not an excuse for behaving abusively. If a person recognizes any signs of abuse within their relationship, they can consider contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can contact the organization by calling 1-800-799-7233 or texting “START” to 88788 for more resources and support.
People also need to ensure they seek emergency medical attention if they think a loved one with bipolar disorder is at risk of self-harm or suicide. Research indicates that rates of suicide
Suicide prevention
If you know someone at immediate risk of self-harm, suicide, or hurting another person:
- Ask the tough question: “Are you considering suicide?”
- Listen to the person without judgment.
- Call 911 or the local emergency number, or text TALK to 741741 to communicate with a trained crisis counselor.
- Stay with the person until professional help arrives.
- Try to remove any weapons, medications, or other potentially harmful objects if it’s safe to do so.
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, a prevention hotline can help. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day at 988. During a crisis, people who are hard of hearing can use their preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988.
Everyone experiences occasional disagreements and arguments with loved ones. However, navigating these arguments in a healthy way may be more challenging if someone with bipolar disorder is experiencing a manic or depressive episode.
Additionally, having intense conversations or heated arguments while someone is experiencing a manic or depressive episode is not usually an effective way to resolve the conflict.
Some tips for healthy arguments include avoiding judgment, remaining calm, practicing compassion, and setting boundaries.