Talking with a doctor about sexual health can feel awkward at first, but it is an important and completely normal part of health and well-being. Doctors are trained in managing sexual health matters professionally and without judgment.
Doctors are trained to talk about sexual health. Discussing sexually transmitted infections (STIs), contraception, libido, pain during sex, and relationships is part of their job.
This article provides some tips on how to discuss sexual health with a doctor and how to make the conversation easier and more effective.
A note about sex and gender
Sex and gender exist on spectrums. This article will use the terms “male,” “female,” or both to refer to sex assigned at birth. Learn more.
Starting the conversation on sexual health matters is often the most daunting part, but a person does not have to cover everything all at once.
A person can try beginning with the following conversation openers:
- “I have some questions about my sexual health. Is it OK if we talk about that?”
- “I have been feeling a bit unsure about something sexual and would like your advice.”
- “I have noticed some symptoms related to my sexual health, and I would like to discuss them.”
These questions set the tone clearly and professionally and leave room for further conversation about specific questions and symptoms.
For more specific questions and concerns, a person may like to use the following conversation starters:
- Physical symptoms: “I have noticed some physical symptoms such as discharge, irritation, or pain during sex, and I am not sure what is causing it,” or “I have been having some concerns about my libido and would like to understand what might be going on.”
- Male sexual health: “I have noticed that during sex, I ejaculate a lot sooner than I would like,” or “I have been having a hard time getting or maintaining an erection, and I would like some advice.”
- Contraception: “Can we talk about my sexual health? I want to make sure I am making the right contraceptive choices,” or “I would like to discuss which birth control methods are right for me.”
- STI screening: “I am sexually active and want to talk about my options for STI testing and protection.”
- Mental health: “I have been feeling emotionally uncomfortable with sexual activity, and I would like to discuss getting help.”
Sexual health resources
Visit our dedicated hub for more research-backed information and in-depth resources on sexual health.
Doctors can give better advice when they know the facts. Although it may be scary at first, remember that doctors encounter all kinds of sexual health matters regularly and are very used to managing them.
Being open and honest about sexual health concerns is the best approach. The doctor will likely ask questions about:
- specific symptoms and concerns
- whether a person is sexually active and with how many people
- when they last had sex
- whether a person currently uses barrier contraception and birth control
- a person’s sexual health history
A person does not need to share every detail about their sex life, just enough for the healthcare professional to help with specific concerns.
Writing things down beforehand can help relieve nerves. Some example questions include:
- “What STI screenings do I need?”
- “What are my birth control options?”
- “Is it normal to feel [x] during or after sex?”
- “Could a medication be affecting my sex drive?”
- “I have been experiencing a [x] sensation in my [x] area. Is this normal?”
The
The 5Ps is a practical, trauma-informed framework for taking a sexual history in a way that is both respectful and medically thorough. It can help a person feel more prepared, less caught off guard, and more empowered to advocate for their health.
Here’s a breakdown of each “P” with examples of questions doctors might ask and how people can think through or answer them.
1. Partners
A doctor may need to understand how many and the types of partners a person has had. This helps assess their risk and guide screenings.
A doctor may ask:
- “Do you have sex with men, women, or both?”
- “In the past 12 months, how many sexual partners have you had?”
- “Are you currently sexually active?”
To prepare, a person can think honestly about:
- who their partners have been and their gender
- whether they are in a monogamous relationship or not
- whether any partner has had other partners
2. Practices
The purpose of this part is to understand what kind of sex a person is having, which informs where to screen for STIs.
A doctor might ask:
- “What kind of sexual contact do you have? Vaginal? Anal? Oral?”
- “Do you use toys, or engage in kink/BDSM?”
A person can prepare by thinking about what practices they have engaged in and what body parts are involved.
3. Protection from STIs
The purpose of these questions is to assess whether and how a person is protecting themselves during sex.
Questions a doctor might ask include:
- “Do you use condoms or other barriers? If so, how often?”
- “Are you on PrEP for HIV prevention?”
A person should try to be honest about what protection they do and do not use, even if they feel embarrassed. Let the doctor know if protection is sometimes, always, or never used.
4. Past history of STIs
Doctors may ask questions about a person’s STI history to assess risk and understand their medical history, such as:
- “Have you ever had an STI? When? Which one?”
- “Have any of your partners had an STI?”
It is helpful if a person tries to recall any past diagnoses or treatments, and be open if they were exposed but never tested or treated. A person can also ask to be retested.
5. Pregnancy intention
The purpose of this P is to understand a person’s desires or concerns around pregnancy and to offer support.
Questions a doctor might ask include:
- “Do you want to have children in the future?”
- “Are you trying to prevent pregnancy?”
A person can prepare by considering where they are in their life right now and thinking about their comfort with any current birth control methods.
If a person feels uncomfortable discussing sexual matters with a medical professional of the opposite sex, they can request to see a professional of the same sex.
Similarly, a person can request to bring a partner to an appointment about sexual health if they believe it will help them feel more comfortable.
Everyone deserves a respectful, nonjudgmental, informed conversation.
If a person feels that a doctor dismisses their concerns or makes them feel uncomfortable, they should consider seeking another care professional, like a primary care physician with a special interest in sexual health, or a sexual health clinic.
Talking with a doctor about sexual health can sometimes be overwhelming and scary. It’s helpful for a person to remember that doctors encounter many sexual health questions in their line of work and are trained to be nonjudgmental.
Preparing questions, learning what questions a doctor may ask, and finding the right doctor can help a person feel more comfortable having a conversation about sexual health.