Bondage sex, or having a bondage kink, refers to a form of sex play that involves consensually tying or restraining a partner in a sex position to give or receive sexual pleasure.
Bondage represents the B in BDSM, which comprises three separate but combinable elements: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Some may also refer to it as a kink — an umbrella term to commonly describe sexual practices that may fall outside normative societal standards.
Bondage sex is a consensual activity that involves using physical restraints to restrict a partner’s freedom of movement. It is a perfectly healthy and respectful form of sexual activity, which separates it from sexual and domestic abuse.
It falls under the umbrella of power play, where one partner takes on a more dominant role during sex while the other assumes a submissive role. Although this assumes a hierarchy of power, it is better to characterize bondage sex as an open dialogue to negotiate behaviors and achieve mutual enjoyment from physical and psychological stimulation.
This article defines bondage sex, why people enjoy it, potential benefits and risks, and how to perform it safely.
Bondage sex is a form of consensual and recreational sex play that involves tying, restraining, or binding a person with rope, handcuffs, or other items that can restrict movement. Beyond the restraint, bondage sex also involves a consensual power dynamic between a dominant and submissive partner. However, it is also possible for a person to practice self-bondage during masturbation.
A 2017 study notes that roughly
However, there has been a shift in the narrative in recent years, and many experts now view consensual BDSM activities as a relatively common and healthy form of intimacy.
Evidence suggests that 58.9% of males and 54.4% of female BDSM practitioners list bondage sex as one of their favorite BDSM activities. Additionally, a 2015 study investigating females in the kink community adds that bondage is a preferable activity, with more than
A 2021 systematic review notes that BDSM interactions are complex, and several psychological, social, and biological processes can influence this sexual behavior.
A 2019 systematic scoping review suggests that it allows people to assert dominance by giving them total control and power over the situation. Similarly, a 2020 study notes that many practitioners find the giving, taking, and exchanging of power to be sexually arousing.
Additionally, the study adds that playing with interpersonal power through the exchange of power via physical restraint is one of the most common reasons people engage in bondage practices. Others note that they may compare bondage to an eroticized way of practicing mindfulness, similar to meditation or other general leisure activities, as it allows them to relax and practice a form of focused attention.
A 2019 study also adds that the brain’s pain and reward systems can influence why people enjoy BDSM. As pleasure and pain may activate the same part of the brain, engaging in these practices may help to enhance pleasure.
Some possible benefits may include:
Enhances pleasure
Evidence suggests that participating in BDSM leads to an altered state of consciousness called subspace. People describe it as a floaty, high state that submissives and receivers experience during and after the play.
Additionally, using restraints may produce a feeling of sensory deprivation. This may help to not only increase a person’s excitement, but enhance the sensation of the remaining senses, which can heighten pleasure.
Builds deeper connections
Bondage sex can encourage couples to explore their desires and fantasies. Bondage sex hinges on trust and security. This sense of vulnerability that comes with giving up control may help develop trust and closeness among partners. Practicing bondage may also improve communication skills, including negotiation and assertiveness.
Heals relationships
A 2019 review states that BDSM can offer a safe space for people healing from trauma, PTSD, and abuse. Moreover, therapists may use practices such as bondage as a tool to help couples working on power dynamics. This may help couples experience relinquishing and assuming control in the bedroom before they do in other parts of their relationship.
Improves sexual and mental health
A 2019 study found that people who practice BDSM have fewer sexual problems than the general population. Furthermore, in a
A 2016 preliminary study notes that engaging in consensual BDSM can reduce anxiety. Another study suggests that subspace can reduce physical and emotional stress among the receiving partners.
People practicing bondage sex may be at risk of physical injuries. In a 2016 study, more than 70% of participants report at least one accident from performing a BDSM practice, with hematoma being the most common injury. The study adds that injuries are more common in those who use drugs while performing BDSM sex.
Fatal outcomes can also occur while practicing BDSM. A 2021 literature review notes that strangulation is the most common cause of death, and drugs or alcohol were involved in 64% of fatal BDSM cases.
Consent is
Sexual partners need to explicitly give their consent, clearly define their boundaries, and negotiate and discuss what they are willing to do and what are out-of-bounds. All parties must also agree on a safeword, which refers to a word or signal that can instantly stop the sex act. People should also consider staying sober while performing bondage sex to ensure the safety of those involved.
Below are tips and techniques that may be helpful for people who are considering bondage sex.
Have enough preparation
The portrayal of BDSM in media is often inaccurate and sometimes too extreme. A person planning to do bondage sex at home should consider attending a class, reading books, or checking out informational videos online beforehand.
Set ground rules and boundaries
To engage in safe and healthy bondage sex, all parties should discuss and negotiate each other’s boundaries and roles and note any activities that are off-limits. All participants should give mutual consent on what each finds comfortable and confident experimenting during the session.
Agree on a safeword
Trust, security, and mutual consent are the pillars of bondage play. However, things can quickly escalate, and it may be difficult to recognize if the other person is teasing or honestly requesting to stop the play. A safeword is any phrase or action that immediately signals that sex play needs to stop. It can help ensure that the sexual activity remains safe, pleasurable, and consensual.
Always ensure safety
Beginners should try bondage with a person they trust and never perform it with a stranger. A person must check in on their partner’s physical and emotional safety. This may include asking if they are comfortable or developing a non-verbal cue such as a light tap to communicate pleasure.
Be familiar with restraints
A person must know how to get their partner out of restraint before using them. Individuals can keep a pair of safety shears or handcuff keys within their reach, especially when trying more difficult bondage positions.
People should take appropriate precautions when tying restraints. Ensure they are not too tight to allow for proper circulation and never use restraints near the neck, as this may cause asphyxiation.
Take it easy
The sensory deprivation that comes with using bondages can be unsettling for beginners. Couples can begin by restraining one area, such as the wrists, then slowly easing into more advanced restraints based on their confidence and comfort.
Add toys, props, and costumes
People may wish to enhance the experience with the help of costumes, toys, and props. Allowing the imagination to run wild can also add excitement and pleasure.
Have an aftercare
Aftercare refers to the time that people take after engaging in bondage sex to check on a person’s emotional and physical needs. Certain sex acts can be physically and psychologically taxing, so it can be beneficial to take time to discuss the sex acts and provide reassurance.
Bondage sex refers to the practice of consensual restraint during sex play. It falls under the broad spectrum of BDSM and involves a power dynamic, where an individual relinquishes control and consensually allows another person to tie them up.
Many people enjoy the exchange of power during this sexual activity, and evidence suggests it can be beneficial for physical, mental, and relationship health. However, the act does come with risks and requires preparation and communication to perform safely and allow all parties to enjoy the practice.